So I moved blogs

Well, everyone who requested the new address has got it and I'm now up and running (if you want the new address, give me an email and I'll send it to you). It's exactly like the blog here, only it's not here...

Last Chance

Guys, I'm deleting my post "Naked Women = Sex (obviously)". So it's your last chance to read it!

Since posting it I've been getting shit loads of hits for "naked women", "fucking naked women" "naked women fucking lesbians" etc etc (no surprises of course), but it literally is getting on my nerves now. Especially as I'm having loads of "naked women in pain porn", which really isn't very nice at all.

It's irritating me. So it's coming down tomorrow!

Meme

As seen at Jesse's and LB's.

DO YOU SNORE?
It's been known.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Honestly cannot decide.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Heh, it was alreet.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV?
I take it the author of this meme dosn't rate it too highly. A little less of the "bunny ears", eh?

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I chew anything.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
I was born with a fringer like Hitler's. So no.

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
What a question. Am not tempting fate by answering either way.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
Cream.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Not generally.

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
No.

ANY SECRET TALENTS?
Well, kinda-ish.

WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
Wish I hadn't started this meme, it's shit. Ideal vacation. Under Boyfriend.

CAN YOU SWIM?
I can.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
Haven't even heard of it.

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Well it's a funny thing. I care enough to.... do you know, I do fuck all actually. No, I recycle.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
Anyone thinking of that Lil Kim song right now, "How many licks does it take to get to the centre of the (oh....)"?

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
Can I SING it? Why 'sing' it?

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
Last time I used a pencil..... no, can't remember.....

WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
Against it, but dude, they should NOT have made it illegal. That was off, that.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Well, I like to think so.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Noooooo.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Coca Cola. Doesn't stop me though.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU” ?
Couple of hours ago.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
Depressing fact: been to more young peope's funerals than weddings.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Smashed on John Prescott's face.

ARE BLONDES DUMB?
No.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Sacrificed.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
17.14

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Aye.

IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING?
It's prices are. No, that's Burger King, isn't it? Ooh, I'm going through such a burger phase at the moment.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
An hour ago.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Baths.

IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Wouldn't have thought so.

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Mmmm, neck kissing....

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
When I'm stressed I'm unnerved, but not afraid.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Nowt.

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Creamy. No, crunchy. Crunchy.

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Only by accident.

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Have you ever ridden ON an ambulance? That's more interesting.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
Oh, fuck off. I don't take drugs like that but that makes me want to snort cocaine off the screen. That would be a challenge.

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
Can be.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Red. Been at the pute too long.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
Aye, it's canny enough innit.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
No.

HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE?
Yes, but I was too old for it.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
Piano.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Ages ago. I was very poor (that's bollocks, I just used to be a cunt when a young teenager)

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
No.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Hell fucking no.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
Yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
Magical thinking.... hell yeah.

ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND?
Mine isn't.

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
It's not the fucking tooth fairy, is it?

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
I remember trying to do it forwards once...

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
I don't ever make mistkaes.

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
It's actually colder inside, and am not trying to be funny.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Greggs Pasty.

DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Sometimes.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW?
Ah, loads.

WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
Not really bothered, actually, no, the Woolworths one.

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Not knowingly.

FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
Dumb, 411.

WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
I'm not sharing my weakness, are you kidding me?

Can I just say?

Filling out loan forms fucking does my head in. My. God. Absolute purgatory. Am so tempted just to go to bed right now..... so tempted..... would it be wrong? Would it be so wrong?

Updated: so I did go to bed. And have just woken up with that slept-in-the-afternoon feeling: headache, sicky and guilty. Very guilty. Thanks a lot, LC.

Why I will never complain about public transport again

Man Whore gave me a lift home from town today following our wee shopping trip. First time I've been in a car since, God, I have no idea.... But yeah. I will never complain about public transport again because:

1. Buses don't overpower passengers with the smell of whiskey from when whiskey was stored for an early morning pick-me-up but was accidently knocked over by Man Whore in his sleep. No, I don't get it either.
2. Bus drivers don't shout "Well move then you fat wankahhhhhhh" really suddenly, frightening the hell out of the passenger.
3. Bus drivers don't travel down the motorway at 95 mph when the speed limit is 70 mph and the car's limit is 50 mph.
4. Bus drivers don't maintain said speed through "Caution! Men at Work!" signs with absolutely no regard for the men at work.
5. Buses won't do a 40 minute journey in 15 minutes. Yep. 15 minutes.

That is a delight

As seen at Propter Doc's and Brazen's.

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?

You will swallow some tacks. You are a little weird, maybe not so much in a good way. Buy a yellow tie and wear it on your head.
Take this quiz!








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New Boss: a largely pointless ramble with no definite conclusion

This time last week, hell, 8.54am Tuesday morning, who would have thought I would have a brand new boss? A brand new boss to impress.

So, fine, having a new boss is invigorating, of course it is. But damn, when am given actual cash to look good, well, pressure's on to look pretty damn hot tomorrow. That scares me. Furthermore, am going through a dry spell regarding selling store cards. This is bad. Very very fucking seriously bad. Need at least 3 tomorrow to make an impression. Haven't had 3 all week.

So, tomorrow's goal: 3 store cards, 1 (at least) outfit sold for over £150 (a week before payday...) and catch at least one shoplifter. All whilst smiling and looking shit hot.

You know when you feel that this really just isn't your life? Urgh.... could ponder more but need to take rollers out and finish reading Vogue.

Besides. Got to be positive or I'll communicate negative energies to those I encounter and no outfits or store cards will be sold....

And I have met the new boss. He seems nice. He does.

It'll be fine! But really my friends, this just doesn't seem like my life. I had such high hopes. Accepted for MA in geet big elitist uni, and I am doing this. Yah. Heh. Stay tuned...

(Tomorrow can guarantee I will be radiating positivity and happiness - not cos am confident that I'll pull it all off, though well I might, but because I've scheduled sex. They say that's the kiss of death to one's sex life, but I happen to disagree)

Updated: Good start for the new boss: he called in sick. Nice. Won't work with him 'til Wednesday now.